Keys To The Game
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Week 7 – Jets
We tried to justify the Bengals slow start by talking about injuries and the tough schedule, but now there is no other conclusion to make other than this is just a bad team. The talent is there to win games, but this is a bad team. The Bengals had 2 weeks to prepare for the Chiefs, they said it was a must win game, yet they came out unprepared, unfocused, and flat. The Bengals gave up 30 yards in penalties on the opening drive of the game to a team that had not scored in the first quarter all year. They followed that up by allowing 20 first half points to a Chiefs team that had scored 16 first half points combined in 6 previous games going back to last season. Even after their offensive explosion against the Bengals, the Chiefs offense is still in the bottom 5 in the league. The Chiefs have a good defensive line, but they are in no way dominating. The Chiefs D-linemen have made exactly zero pro bowls, but the Bengals made them look like the ’65 Rams “Fearsome Foursome” as every snap was a jailbreak. And when needed, the Bengals went backwards in every short yardage situation. Levi Jones had previously stated that he didn’t sign his contract to be a backup, then did he sign it to be embarrassed on the field? While the score was 27-20, the game was not that close, and the Bengals were dominated by a team that is average at best. With the Bengals talent, their problems can only be attributed to coaching or a lack of acceptance of coaching. Either way, there needs to be major changes. Either Marvin needs to overhaul the roster with people willing to accept his coaching, or Marvin needs to go in favor of someone who can get the team under control.
The point of every season is to get to the playoffs, that is every team’s initial goal. Can the Bengals still make the playoffs? In a tremendously optimistic world, like the movie Joe Dirt
where mulleted David Spade scores multiple scorching hot ladies, the Bengals can still do it. How you might ask? First, the Bengals started 1-4 in Marvin’s first two seasons as coach. Both of those teams got hot and had shots at the playoffs going into the last weeks of the season. However, those teams were not good and overachieved as Marvin was trying to turn the franchise around. This year’s team is good, yet is in a freefall, but we’ll forget that point for a second. Next, the Bengals schedule is supposedly easy enough to produce wins. The Bengals should be able to beat the 6 teams left in the AFC East (NYJ, @BUF, @MIA) and the NFC West (ARI, STL, @SF). That would give them 7 wins, then depending on what is needed for the wild card, the Bengals may only need to win 2 of the remaining games, @PIT, PIT, @BAL, CLE, TEN. This would be possible if the Bengals could beat teams that they should beat. So far this season, the Bengals have been favored to win in 3 games, their record in those games is 1-2. So don’t bet on the Bengals getting their act together enough for 9 wins. By the way, the Bengals somehow are favored by 6 this week against the Jets.
Keys to the Game.
With a record of 1-5, the Jets are one of three teams in the NFL that are currently in worse shape than the 1-4 Bengals. The Jets offense is about the same as the Chiefs, yet a little worse. Does it really matter though? The good news is that the Jets have an equally bad defense. In fact, the Jets defense is so bad that they are nearing the Bengals defense. The Jets lone win was a 3 point struggle at home against the winless Dolphins. This is the Bengals rock bottom game, either they start the uphill climb back to respectability, or just sink to rock bottom.
When the Jets have the ball: Bad news, the Jets have a strong running back in Thomas Jones. Jones was battling injuries early in the season and got off to a slow start. However, he is healthy now and ran for 130 yards last week against a usually tough Philly defense. The good news, the well documented weak arm of QB Chad Pennington should allow the Bengals defense to crowd the line. Much has been said about Pennington not being able to throw the deep ball, but with that said, his accuracy has been good so far at 68%. He has been prone to interceptions though. Aside from Tom Brady, the Bengals have played a “struggling” QB every week and except for Steve McNair, every QB has had no problem with the Bengals defense. With Pennington supposedly not being able to throw deep, the Bengals weak pass rush should not matter as the Jets will not be running deep routes. The passing game will test the Bengals DBs as the Jets do a lot of quick hits, crossing patterns, and short cuts. The Bengals DBs will have to play tight and break quickly on the ball which they did not do at all last week against the Chiefs. If Thomas Jones can get going, he will draw the Bengals DBs more into the running game. Once that happens, look for a long and frustrating day of 5 yard runs and quick 6 yards passes up and down the field. My favorite part of every Bengals game is watching Dexter Jackson break late on a play or miss a tackle, and then after the play is over, turn and yell at teammates or the refs. The poor guy is surrounded by incompetence and he is just letting everyone know it. And something to spotlight, we did have a Frostee Rucker sighting on Sunday. After being a 3rd round draft choice in 2005, he has now played in 2 games, has 1 assisted tackle, and 1 fumble recovery.
When the Bengals have the ball: The Jets do not have a strong frontline pass rusher like the Bengals have faced in most games this season. However, they do run a 3-4 defense which can give an offensive line fits if they do not communicate. The Bengals seemed to get their act together in the 2nd half against the Chiefs, but they cannot afford any breakdowns this week against the Jets. As long as the Bengals can pick up the blitzes run by the Jets, the Jets do not have any players good enough to beat the Bengals linemen one on one.
A glaring problem with the Bengals offense is their 3rd down efficiency. But the problem of extending drives goes beyond just 3rd down. Not every drive has to be scoring in order to be successful. Sometimes getting a few first downs, running the ball to keep the clock going, and getting a good punt for field position can be the most important drive in the game. Running the ball not only helps the passing game, but it also shortens the game and can help keep a bad defense off the field. Any way you look at it, Kenny Watson has been very productive as a running back. In the past 3 games, he has carried the ball 35 times for 183 yards for a 5.3 yard avg. per carry. Against KC, he had 68 yards on 13 carries(5.2 avg), why is he only getting the ball 13 times? Watson had 24 yards on his first 2 carries, and then proceeded to get the ball 4 times in the Bengals next 21 plays until halftime. Meanwhile, the Chiefs pass rush was killing the Bengals passing game for 3 sacks, 1 lost fumble, 1 INT, and countless Carson pressures. Sacks and turnovers kill drives, field position, and put a lot of pressure on the defense. On the Chiefs first TD drive, they started on the Bengals 44 following a sack, punt and good punt return. The next drive started on the Bengals 45 following a Jared Allen sack/fumble. Luckily, Larry Johnson fumbled out of the endzone to save another TD set up by bad offense. The next Chiefs drive began on the Bengals 46 following a Palmer INT on 3rd and 14. This time Larry Johnson held onto the ball and scored a TD for the Chiefs. Seeing a theme here? The Bengals offense gets too cute in all situations instead of taking the easy way to first downs. Twice on 3rd and short, the Bengals came to the line and the Chiefs had nobody over the center. Both DTs were over or outside the Bengals Guards. With at least a 6 foot gap between DTs, the Bengals having 3 linemen to the Chiefs 2, and Palmer being 6 foot 5, why couldn’t the Bengals do a quick snap to get the yard? All Palmer would have to do is take the snap, take one step forward, and fall down to get a first down. It may be a chincy grade school move, but it will get you the first down. Instead, the Bengals try to run a toss sweep having 350 pound men moving sideways, or having a WR run a 2 yard route in traffic. It seems the Bengals only like to run a QB sneak when the defense is crowded all over the center.
This week, the Jets are sure to follow the same formula and bring everything to disrupt Palmer and the passing game. I only hope The Soul Patch gives the ball to Watson enough to help Palmer and the defense.
[Bratkowski]
While Mangold does not have a classic mullet, he has to be recognized for whatever this is. I think he is trying to scare people away from him on the football field. I bet his hair smells like cinnamon and rose petals. BENGALS WIN
Smith was a star QB in college at Missouri and is trying to convert to WR in the NFL. What is the best way to immerse yourself into a new position? Try to look like your coach by growing a moustache, WR Coach Noel Mazzone.
Holy crap, what is it with strength coaches? Through all of the weekly analysis, I have learned only 2 things. One, mullets make you run faster, and two, strength coaches are the most God-awful ugliest people on the planet. And I may go out on a limb and say their rank in ugliness could extend beyond the planet Earth and through any era in time. Strength coaches give credence to one of the basic tenets of Scientology- that Xenu, the dictator of a galactic confederacy millions of years ago, brought his people to Earth and their spirits remain. Strength coaches have to be the vestiges of this defining event in galactic history. Tom Cruise is right!!!
Graham is an Australian native and star Aussie Rules football player who made his NFL debut at age 31. He played for the Geelong Football Club where in 1999 he won the club’s “Best and Fairest” award. The top players in Aussie Rules football can make up to $800,000 in US Dollars for 25 to 30 games per year. However, Graham signed a 6 year $5.2million dollar contract with the Jets prior to last season. He could be a star player and target in Australia for 25 games, or for a little more money, he can be a lowly anonymous punter in the US and never have to risk his body in 16 games. Some may consider this a smart financial move, but I consider Graham an unmitigated sellout worthy of the utmost contempt. BENGALS WIN
Elmo is one of the sickest and freakiest perverts in America. He hosts a children’s show, his doll promotes kids to tickle him, and his biggest supporter is an overweight lesbian. Is Elmo related to John Mark Karr? If I walked around like Elmo I would be thrown in jail for the rest of my life, but because he is a little red furball, he gets away with it. BENGALS WIN
Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Rhonee vs Gina
It is really not fair this week for the Bengals cheerleaders. Even though the Jets “Flight Crew” (That is the real name) was just started in recent years, they have the ability to add girls from Long Island, New York. Long Island is the epicenter for American trashy, everything else is just the minor leagues. Nowhere else in the world can one become a billionaire just by opening a nail, hair or tanning salon. Let’s see what Gina from Long Island was wearing as she stepped out of her boyfriend’s parent’s Escalade for Flight Crew tryouts:
At least she knows how to dress for a tryout and highlight her strengths. And then of course you must pose for your individual shot at the team photoshoot. Each girl picked her own pose, and here is Gina’s.
Sadly, Rhonee did not stand a chance, and I am looking for an apartment on Long Island. JETS WIN
Little known Jets fact: Jets star defensive end Mark Gastineau had 107.5 QB sacks in 108 career starts. He surprised everyone when in 1988, at the age of 31, he retired midseason while leading the NFL in sacks. In what can only be described as one of the oddest reality TV show worthy moments, Gastineau retired to spend more time with his new fiance Brigitte Nielson, who was having health problems at the time. Meanwhile, Gastineau was still married to his first wife and reality tv star, Lisa Gastineau, with whom he had one daughter Brittny. Lisa and Mark’s marriage fell apart when Lisa walked into their home to find Mark in bed with Brigitte Nielson. Where were all of the VH1 and E! Channel cameras when the real action was going down?
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We tried to justify the Bengals slow start by talking about injuries and the tough schedule, but now there is no other conclusion to make other than this is just a bad team. The talent is there to win games, but this is a bad team. The Bengals had 2 weeks to prepare for the Chiefs, they said it was a must win game, yet they came out unprepared, unfocused, and flat. The Bengals gave up 30 yards in penalties on the opening drive of the game to a team that had not scored in the first quarter all year. They followed that up by allowing 20 first half points to a Chiefs team that had scored 16 first half points combined in 6 previous games going back to last season. Even after their offensive explosion against the Bengals, the Chiefs offense is still in the bottom 5 in the league. The Chiefs have a good defensive line, but they are in no way dominating. The Chiefs D-linemen have made exactly zero pro bowls, but the Bengals made them look like the ’65 Rams “Fearsome Foursome” as every snap was a jailbreak. And when needed, the Bengals went backwards in every short yardage situation. Levi Jones had previously stated that he didn’t sign his contract to be a backup, then did he sign it to be embarrassed on the field? While the score was 27-20, the game was not that close, and the Bengals were dominated by a team that is average at best. With the Bengals talent, their problems can only be attributed to coaching or a lack of acceptance of coaching. Either way, there needs to be major changes. Either Marvin needs to overhaul the roster with people willing to accept his coaching, or Marvin needs to go in favor of someone who can get the team under control.
The point of every season is to get to the playoffs, that is every team’s initial goal. Can the Bengals still make the playoffs? In a tremendously optimistic world, like the movie Joe Dirt
where mulleted David Spade scores multiple scorching hot ladies, the Bengals can still do it. How you might ask? First, the Bengals started 1-4 in Marvin’s first two seasons as coach. Both of those teams got hot and had shots at the playoffs going into the last weeks of the season. However, those teams were not good and overachieved as Marvin was trying to turn the franchise around. This year’s team is good, yet is in a freefall, but we’ll forget that point for a second. Next, the Bengals schedule is supposedly easy enough to produce wins. The Bengals should be able to beat the 6 teams left in the AFC East (NYJ, @BUF, @MIA) and the NFC West (ARI, STL, @SF). That would give them 7 wins, then depending on what is needed for the wild card, the Bengals may only need to win 2 of the remaining games, @PIT, PIT, @BAL, CLE, TEN. This would be possible if the Bengals could beat teams that they should beat. So far this season, the Bengals have been favored to win in 3 games, their record in those games is 1-2. So don’t bet on the Bengals getting their act together enough for 9 wins. By the way, the Bengals somehow are favored by 6 this week against the Jets.Keys to the Game.
With a record of 1-5, the Jets are one of three teams in the NFL that are currently in worse shape than the 1-4 Bengals. The Jets offense is about the same as the Chiefs, yet a little worse. Does it really matter though? The good news is that the Jets have an equally bad defense. In fact, the Jets defense is so bad that they are nearing the Bengals defense. The Jets lone win was a 3 point struggle at home against the winless Dolphins. This is the Bengals rock bottom game, either they start the uphill climb back to respectability, or just sink to rock bottom.
When the Jets have the ball: Bad news, the Jets have a strong running back in Thomas Jones. Jones was battling injuries early in the season and got off to a slow start. However, he is healthy now and ran for 130 yards last week against a usually tough Philly defense. The good news, the well documented weak arm of QB Chad Pennington should allow the Bengals defense to crowd the line. Much has been said about Pennington not being able to throw the deep ball, but with that said, his accuracy has been good so far at 68%. He has been prone to interceptions though. Aside from Tom Brady, the Bengals have played a “struggling” QB every week and except for Steve McNair, every QB has had no problem with the Bengals defense. With Pennington supposedly not being able to throw deep, the Bengals weak pass rush should not matter as the Jets will not be running deep routes. The passing game will test the Bengals DBs as the Jets do a lot of quick hits, crossing patterns, and short cuts. The Bengals DBs will have to play tight and break quickly on the ball which they did not do at all last week against the Chiefs. If Thomas Jones can get going, he will draw the Bengals DBs more into the running game. Once that happens, look for a long and frustrating day of 5 yard runs and quick 6 yards passes up and down the field. My favorite part of every Bengals game is watching Dexter Jackson break late on a play or miss a tackle, and then after the play is over, turn and yell at teammates or the refs. The poor guy is surrounded by incompetence and he is just letting everyone know it. And something to spotlight, we did have a Frostee Rucker sighting on Sunday. After being a 3rd round draft choice in 2005, he has now played in 2 games, has 1 assisted tackle, and 1 fumble recovery.
When the Bengals have the ball: The Jets do not have a strong frontline pass rusher like the Bengals have faced in most games this season. However, they do run a 3-4 defense which can give an offensive line fits if they do not communicate. The Bengals seemed to get their act together in the 2nd half against the Chiefs, but they cannot afford any breakdowns this week against the Jets. As long as the Bengals can pick up the blitzes run by the Jets, the Jets do not have any players good enough to beat the Bengals linemen one on one.
A glaring problem with the Bengals offense is their 3rd down efficiency. But the problem of extending drives goes beyond just 3rd down. Not every drive has to be scoring in order to be successful. Sometimes getting a few first downs, running the ball to keep the clock going, and getting a good punt for field position can be the most important drive in the game. Running the ball not only helps the passing game, but it also shortens the game and can help keep a bad defense off the field. Any way you look at it, Kenny Watson has been very productive as a running back. In the past 3 games, he has carried the ball 35 times for 183 yards for a 5.3 yard avg. per carry. Against KC, he had 68 yards on 13 carries(5.2 avg), why is he only getting the ball 13 times? Watson had 24 yards on his first 2 carries, and then proceeded to get the ball 4 times in the Bengals next 21 plays until halftime. Meanwhile, the Chiefs pass rush was killing the Bengals passing game for 3 sacks, 1 lost fumble, 1 INT, and countless Carson pressures. Sacks and turnovers kill drives, field position, and put a lot of pressure on the defense. On the Chiefs first TD drive, they started on the Bengals 44 following a sack, punt and good punt return. The next drive started on the Bengals 45 following a Jared Allen sack/fumble. Luckily, Larry Johnson fumbled out of the endzone to save another TD set up by bad offense. The next Chiefs drive began on the Bengals 46 following a Palmer INT on 3rd and 14. This time Larry Johnson held onto the ball and scored a TD for the Chiefs. Seeing a theme here? The Bengals offense gets too cute in all situations instead of taking the easy way to first downs. Twice on 3rd and short, the Bengals came to the line and the Chiefs had nobody over the center. Both DTs were over or outside the Bengals Guards. With at least a 6 foot gap between DTs, the Bengals having 3 linemen to the Chiefs 2, and Palmer being 6 foot 5, why couldn’t the Bengals do a quick snap to get the yard? All Palmer would have to do is take the snap, take one step forward, and fall down to get a first down. It may be a chincy grade school move, but it will get you the first down. Instead, the Bengals try to run a toss sweep having 350 pound men moving sideways, or having a WR run a 2 yard route in traffic. It seems the Bengals only like to run a QB sneak when the defense is crowded all over the center.
This week, the Jets are sure to follow the same formula and bring everything to disrupt Palmer and the passing game. I only hope The Soul Patch gives the ball to Watson enough to help Palmer and the defense.[Bratkowski]
What you do want to see: The Bengals run the ball until the Jets stop them from doing it.
What you don’t want to see: The Bengals injury report.
What you don’t want to see: The Bengals injury report.
Matchup of mullets: TJ vs Nick Mangold
While Mangold does not have a classic mullet, he has to be recognized for whatever this is. I think he is trying to scare people away from him on the football field. I bet his hair smells like cinnamon and rose petals. BENGALS WIN
Matchup of Moustaches: RB Kenny Watson vs WR Brad Smith
Smith was a star QB in college at Missouri and is trying to convert to WR in the NFL. What is the best way to immerse yourself into a new position? Try to look like your coach by growing a moustache, WR Coach Noel Mazzone.
I didn’t know Buddy LaRosa had a brother working for the Jets. JETS WIN
Duel of the uglies: QB Jeff Rowe vs. Strength Coach Rick Lyle
Holy crap, what is it with strength coaches? Through all of the weekly analysis, I have learned only 2 things. One, mullets make you run faster, and two, strength coaches are the most God-awful ugliest people on the planet. And I may go out on a limb and say their rank in ugliness could extend beyond the planet Earth and through any era in time. Strength coaches give credence to one of the basic tenets of Scientology- that Xenu, the dictator of a galactic confederacy millions of years ago, brought his people to Earth and their spirits remain. Strength coaches have to be the vestiges of this defining event in galactic history. Tom Cruise is right!!!
NFL strength coaches:
Not coincidentally, the man who played Sloth, John Matuszak, played for the Oakland Raiders and then competed in strong man competitions. Could Sloth have been an NFL strength coach? He looks like an NFL strength coach, but he was just too accepting of Chunk being a tub of lard. "Sloth hate Chunk and his fat ass, get in here and LIFT!!"
To make things fair to Jeff Rowe, I will match him up against a non strength coach, OL Mike DeVito:
To make things fair to Jeff Rowe, I will match him up against a non strength coach, OL Mike DeVito:
DeVito is an appropriate name as this guy reminds me of Danny DeVito in the movie twins. Doctors create the perfect baby from multiple eggs, and with all of the crap left over they make the baby’s twin, DeVito. It’s not enough to beat our man Jeff though. BENGALS WIN
Battle of old men: DE Bryan Robinson(33) vs P Ben Graham(33)
Graham is an Australian native and star Aussie Rules football player who made his NFL debut at age 31. He played for the Geelong Football Club where in 1999 he won the club’s “Best and Fairest” award. The top players in Aussie Rules football can make up to $800,000 in US Dollars for 25 to 30 games per year. However, Graham signed a 6 year $5.2million dollar contract with the Jets prior to last season. He could be a star player and target in Australia for 25 games, or for a little more money, he can be a lowly anonymous punter in the US and never have to risk his body in 16 games. Some may consider this a smart financial move, but I consider Graham an unmitigated sellout worthy of the utmost contempt. BENGALS WIN
Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper vs Elmo
Elmo is one of the sickest and freakiest perverts in America. He hosts a children’s show, his doll promotes kids to tickle him, and his biggest supporter is an overweight lesbian. Is Elmo related to John Mark Karr? If I walked around like Elmo I would be thrown in jail for the rest of my life, but because he is a little red furball, he gets away with it. BENGALS WIN
Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Rhonee vs Gina
It is really not fair this week for the Bengals cheerleaders. Even though the Jets “Flight Crew” (That is the real name) was just started in recent years, they have the ability to add girls from Long Island, New York. Long Island is the epicenter for American trashy, everything else is just the minor leagues. Nowhere else in the world can one become a billionaire just by opening a nail, hair or tanning salon. Let’s see what Gina from Long Island was wearing as she stepped out of her boyfriend’s parent’s Escalade for Flight Crew tryouts:
At least she knows how to dress for a tryout and highlight her strengths. And then of course you must pose for your individual shot at the team photoshoot. Each girl picked her own pose, and here is Gina’s.
Sadly, Rhonee did not stand a chance, and I am looking for an apartment on Long Island. JETS WIN
Little known Jets fact: Jets star defensive end Mark Gastineau had 107.5 QB sacks in 108 career starts. He surprised everyone when in 1988, at the age of 31, he retired midseason while leading the NFL in sacks. In what can only be described as one of the oddest reality TV show worthy moments, Gastineau retired to spend more time with his new fiance Brigitte Nielson, who was having health problems at the time. Meanwhile, Gastineau was still married to his first wife and reality tv star, Lisa Gastineau, with whom he had one daughter Brittny. Lisa and Mark’s marriage fell apart when Lisa walked into their home to find Mark in bed with Brigitte Nielson. Where were all of the VH1 and E! Channel cameras when the real action was going down?
Labels: Strength Coaches, Tom Cruise, Xenu
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