Keys To The Game
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Week 8 – Steelers
Bengals Win!!! Bengals Win!!! It’s hard to be optimistic after thinking about the whole game. While the Bengals finished with a flurry that was as good as they have played all season, people must remember that they were down to the lowly Jets 23-10 in the 3rd quarter. Once the Bengals turnaround began, the defense made stops when they were needed, grabbed turnovers, and the offense finally woke up. Did somebody sneak Bob Bratkowski out of the locker room during halftime and lock him in a 5/3 Bank vault? The Bengals ran the ball 27 times in the second half of the game, even though they were down by 13 points when they first got the ball. The Bengals came into the Jets game averaging 23 runs per game. With the 41 total rush attempts against the Jets, the Bengals have gone from 30th in the league to 22nd in rush attempts per game. Next up is the Steelers who boast the top defense in the NFL and are currently 2nd in rush attempts per game.
Keys to the Game.
The Steelers lost last week which is good for the Bengals overall. However, the way the Steelers lost is very bad for the Bengals. For some unknown reason, the Steelers decided to throw the ball 35 times which is the most they have thrown the ball going back to November of last season. And as the Steelers learned last season, when they throw the ball, bad things happen. In the Steelers Super Bowl Championship season in 2005, they threw the ball an NFL low 23 times per game. They threw the ball 30 times in only 3 games that season for a 1-2 record and did not reach 30 in any playoff games or the Super Bowl. Last season, the Steelers threw the ball 30 times in 8 games; their record in those 8 games was 1-7. In games when they threw the ball less than 30 times, the Steelers record was 7-1. Contrast that with the Bengals who have thrown the ball an average of 34 times per game in the last 3 seasons with Carson Palmer and are going at a 37.3 per game pace this season. The Steelers bread and butter for 40 years has been to play tough defense and pound the running game. The Steelers will not repeat the mistakes made last week in Denver, so expect an extra heavy dose of power running to test the Bengals weak run defense. The Steelers are currently favored by 3.5.
When the Steelers have the ball: In the Steelers game against Denver, Ben Roethlisberger threw 2 INTs which led to a Denver TD, and he also lost a fumble which was returned for a TD. This week, expect Mike Tomlin to put the offense on strict orders that Roethlisberger is not to throw a pass beyond the line of scrimmage. Expect the Steelers to try for 50 rush attempts and just a few play action or screen passes mixed in to throw the Bengals off. With the Steelers defense being so strong, their offense does not have to worry about going 3 and out and letting the defense play. The Bengals do not have this luxury and the offense has to press for first downs. The Steelers could go 3 and out for three straight quarters and probably only be down by 10 points. They will have no problem running the ball and punting in order to keep the game out of Roethlisberger’s hands. The Bengals defense will rely heavily on the Bengals offense to score and force the Steelers to pick up their passing game. If the Bengals offense does not score, the Steelers will keep the ball on the ground all day and the Bengals defense will wear down. If this happens, we will see Willie Parker running at 15 yards a pop all 4th quarter.
Matchup of mullets: TJ vs S Tyrone Carter
Matchup of Moustaches: RB Kenny Watson vs WR Hines Ward
Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper/Darth Chinstrap vs Tattoo Dude
2) The players do not care. This is their job and they care more about prolonging their career than winning. Why would I get a tattoo of a guy that does not really have any loyalty to the team, city, organization, coach, me, my pet tiger Harold, or the fans? The players are temporary hired help who live in condos in town and once they are done playing say ‘sayonara’ and disappear. It would be more appropriate to get a tattoo of a waiter at your favorite restaurant since they will actually talk to you before disappearing.
3) If anyone in the organization finds out, they will laugh their asses off and probably ban me from the stadium. It’s an easy stalker case.
4) I’d like to think I have a life.
5) On the off chance that I could convince a woman to come home with me, how do I explain to her why I have tattoos of random men all over my body?…..Might be a turn off. I doubt that is a problem for this guy though, children like pictures. STEELERS WIN
Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Rhonee vs The Steelerettes
Lindsay Harnish: Lindsay was a Steelerette in 1968. She remembers being called into Dean Priddy's office on more than one occasion -- once for fraternizing with a player and another time for having her skirt too short. Things sure were different back then!
Maybe things weren’t that different, or Lindsay was a trendsetter. I imagine cheerleaders being called to the office today to be told their skirts are too long.
And the best for last:
Carol Claybaugh – Still livin’ the dream. BENGALS WIN
Little known Steelers fact: Pittsburgh females can be a very gullible bunch. Brian Jackson, a local Pittsburgh bachelor, convinced several Pittsburgh women that he was a Steeler. But this went beyond a mistaken identity or lying for a couple of nights. Over a period of two years, Jackson convinced the women that he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jerame Tuman, and Brian St.Pierre. First he would approach the women and explain who he was, how famous he was, and all of the famous friends he was meeting out on the town if the girls would join him. He would woo them with stories about ‘his boys’ and show them the cell phone numbers he had of Jerome Bettis, Hines Ward, and Ike Taylor. Each number was a fake of course, and just a name listing in his phone. He was always “waiting for Hines who should be here any minute.” He would be wearing official Steelers gloves when he drove saying he just came from practice. He would speed through town in his white Denali with tinted windows and say to the women, “Nobody in Pittsburgh is gonna arrest me, I'm a Steeler.” One of the women was immediately suspicious, even though she still went on a date with ‘Big Ben.’ He picked her up at her house, signed some autographs and then took her to dinner. Big Ben forgot his wallet of course, so the woman paid. The next morning, a friend showed her a picture of the real Roethlisberger, she quickly alerted the police. The fake Ben kept calling her insisting that she should believe him and even sent her a fake Ben signed football. One woman, convinced she was dating 3rd string QB Brian St. Pierre, decided to have a party for a Steelers game. Unlucky for her, the camera happened to find the real St. Pierre on the sideline. Her relationship took an immediate turn. These stories are funny, but other girls weren’t so lucky.
One of the girls loaned Jackson $3,200 over the course of their four month relationship. He would ask for money saying he, fake Jerame Tuman, was going through a divorce and couldn’t spend money during the settlement. She loaned him money for rent for his waterfront condo that she never saw, a trip with his Steeler teammates that she never met, and rims for his Denali. After not hearing from Tuman for a month, she got angry and wrote a letter to the Steelers facility asking for her money. She received a call from the Steelers security director informing her that she has never met the real Jerame Tuman. Another woman had to file charges as Jackson began stalking her and threatened her if she went to the police. In the end, Jackson was sentenced to 30 days in prison, forced to undergo psych counseling, and required to avoid his accusers.
Oh, and just to complete the story, here is a picture of Brian Jackson the supposed ‘professional’ athlete:
Jackson
Tuman 
St Pierre
If I were these players, I would sue the women for defamation for telling their friends that I was this tubby knob job.
Bengals Win!!! Bengals Win!!! It’s hard to be optimistic after thinking about the whole game. While the Bengals finished with a flurry that was as good as they have played all season, people must remember that they were down to the lowly Jets 23-10 in the 3rd quarter. Once the Bengals turnaround began, the defense made stops when they were needed, grabbed turnovers, and the offense finally woke up. Did somebody sneak Bob Bratkowski out of the locker room during halftime and lock him in a 5/3 Bank vault? The Bengals ran the ball 27 times in the second half of the game, even though they were down by 13 points when they first got the ball. The Bengals came into the Jets game averaging 23 runs per game. With the 41 total rush attempts against the Jets, the Bengals have gone from 30th in the league to 22nd in rush attempts per game. Next up is the Steelers who boast the top defense in the NFL and are currently 2nd in rush attempts per game.
Keys to the Game.
The Steelers lost last week which is good for the Bengals overall. However, the way the Steelers lost is very bad for the Bengals. For some unknown reason, the Steelers decided to throw the ball 35 times which is the most they have thrown the ball going back to November of last season. And as the Steelers learned last season, when they throw the ball, bad things happen. In the Steelers Super Bowl Championship season in 2005, they threw the ball an NFL low 23 times per game. They threw the ball 30 times in only 3 games that season for a 1-2 record and did not reach 30 in any playoff games or the Super Bowl. Last season, the Steelers threw the ball 30 times in 8 games; their record in those 8 games was 1-7. In games when they threw the ball less than 30 times, the Steelers record was 7-1. Contrast that with the Bengals who have thrown the ball an average of 34 times per game in the last 3 seasons with Carson Palmer and are going at a 37.3 per game pace this season. The Steelers bread and butter for 40 years has been to play tough defense and pound the running game. The Steelers will not repeat the mistakes made last week in Denver, so expect an extra heavy dose of power running to test the Bengals weak run defense. The Steelers are currently favored by 3.5.
When the Steelers have the ball: In the Steelers game against Denver, Ben Roethlisberger threw 2 INTs which led to a Denver TD, and he also lost a fumble which was returned for a TD. This week, expect Mike Tomlin to put the offense on strict orders that Roethlisberger is not to throw a pass beyond the line of scrimmage. Expect the Steelers to try for 50 rush attempts and just a few play action or screen passes mixed in to throw the Bengals off. With the Steelers defense being so strong, their offense does not have to worry about going 3 and out and letting the defense play. The Bengals do not have this luxury and the offense has to press for first downs. The Steelers could go 3 and out for three straight quarters and probably only be down by 10 points. They will have no problem running the ball and punting in order to keep the game out of Roethlisberger’s hands. The Bengals defense will rely heavily on the Bengals offense to score and force the Steelers to pick up their passing game. If the Bengals offense does not score, the Steelers will keep the ball on the ground all day and the Bengals defense will wear down. If this happens, we will see Willie Parker running at 15 yards a pop all 4th quarter.
When the Bengals have the ball: Bratkowski calls a great game when the Bengals have success running the ball or have the lead. The real test will be this week when the Steelers come to town. The Bengals will not have near the success running the ball that they enjoyed against the Jets. The key will be not to abandon the running attack early in the game. There will be many ugly runs for no gains or losses against the Steelers #1 defense, but the Bengals must keep pounding the run. As stated each week, the running game will slow down the Steelers blitz and shorten the game. If Soul Patch abandons the run, look for the Steelers to go Blitzburgh crazy and turn the game into a repeat of the first half of the Chiefs game. And with incomplete passes stopping the clock, there will be more time for the Bengals defense to be on the field having to stop the Steelers #2 rushing attack. It is a bad combination that the Bengals must overcome, even if they have to run the ball 30 times for 35 yards. To win this game, the Bengals offense must score early while also running the football. It will be a tough balance for Soul Patch to strike, but if he can do it, Roethlisberger will deliver the game.
What you do want to see: Roethlisberger and his ‘loser limp.’ For those not familiar with the term loser limp, it is when someone makes a mistake- dropped pass, fumble, INT, missed tackle- and immediately starts checking out a body part like they are hurt. This is usually seen with little kids in a way to offer an excuse for the mistake. Roethlisberger is a champion of the loser limp. If the game is not going his way, look for him to start examining his ankle or testing his thumb to let everyone know that his mistakes are due to injury, not decisions.
What you don’t want to see: Steelers with 50 rushing attempts and a 50 minute time of possession.
What you don’t want to see: Steelers with 50 rushing attempts and a 50 minute time of possession.
Matchup of mullets: TJ vs S Tyrone Carter
That’s it, I am tired of arguing that mullets make you faster and the Bengals not listening. TJ is the only RB, WR, DB on the Bengals that had a mullet, but he has since gotten rid of it. Do the Bengals want to put any effort into winning? TJ will win this matchup on Sunday. BENGALS WIN
Matchup of Moustaches: RB Kenny Watson vs WR Hines Ward
The matchup of moustaches has been filled with successful individuals and team players all season. This week is no different. Hines Ward, one of the ultimate NFL team players and a Super Bowl MVP, adds to the list that includes Super Bowl winning coaches and Hall of Famers. The Bengals need more moustaches!! STEELERS WIN
Moustaches + mullets = Super Bowl Champs!
Moustaches + mullets = Super Bowl Champs!
Duel of the uglies: QB Jeff Rowe vs. QB Ben Roethlisberger
I cannot show the real picture of Ben Roethlisberger because most people find his image crass and offensive. I had to use this softer representation so that nobody would be offended or made ill to the point of vomiting. STEELERS WIN
I cannot show the real picture of Ben Roethlisberger because most people find his image crass and offensive. I had to use this softer representation so that nobody would be offended or made ill to the point of vomiting. STEELERS WIN
Battle of old men: DE Bryan Robinson(33) vs DT Travis Kirschke(33)
Kirschke has been in the NFL for 11 seasons and has 117 total tackles, 8 sacks, 2 kick returns, and one batted down pass. Holy crapsky, that is an average of 11 plays per year in which Kirschke is involved. He has to get the perseverance award for keeping his career alive for 11 seasons. Keep an eye out for a Kirschke batted pass this Sunday, it’s like seeing Haley’s Comet. STEELERS WIN
Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper/Darth Chinstrap vs Tattoo Dude
One word- incrediblyembarrassing. I think I am a rather big fan of the Bengals, but never at any time will I get a tattoo involving the Bengals on my body. Why? A few reasons.
1) In the end, this is just entertainment and does not deserve a permanent place on my body.
1) In the end, this is just entertainment and does not deserve a permanent place on my body.
2) The players do not care. This is their job and they care more about prolonging their career than winning. Why would I get a tattoo of a guy that does not really have any loyalty to the team, city, organization, coach, me, my pet tiger Harold, or the fans? The players are temporary hired help who live in condos in town and once they are done playing say ‘sayonara’ and disappear. It would be more appropriate to get a tattoo of a waiter at your favorite restaurant since they will actually talk to you before disappearing.
3) If anyone in the organization finds out, they will laugh their asses off and probably ban me from the stadium. It’s an easy stalker case.
4) I’d like to think I have a life.
5) On the off chance that I could convince a woman to come home with me, how do I explain to her why I have tattoos of random men all over my body?…..Might be a turn off. I doubt that is a problem for this guy though, children like pictures. STEELERS WIN
Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Rhonee vs The Steelerettes
The Steelers do not currently have cheerleaders, but they did have the cleverly named Steelerettes from 1960 to 1970. I thought I would use the picture above instead of cheerleaders from the 60s, thank me later. So proud are the Steelerettes that they maintain a website on their history and keep a ‘where are they now’ update section on the members. A few highlights:
Bonnie Hancock: Bonnie was a Steelerette 1962-1963. She was ineligible for the full 1963 season when it was discovered she married in the off season.
You gotta love those rules, no marriage allowed, no morals on this squad!!
Bonnie Hancock: Bonnie was a Steelerette 1962-1963. She was ineligible for the full 1963 season when it was discovered she married in the off season.You gotta love those rules, no marriage allowed, no morals on this squad!!
Lindsay Harnish: Lindsay was a Steelerette in 1968. She remembers being called into Dean Priddy's office on more than one occasion -- once for fraternizing with a player and another time for having her skirt too short. Things sure were different back then!Maybe things weren’t that different, or Lindsay was a trendsetter. I imagine cheerleaders being called to the office today to be told their skirts are too long.
And the best for last:
Carol Claybaugh – Still livin’ the dream. BENGALS WIN Little known Steelers fact: Pittsburgh females can be a very gullible bunch. Brian Jackson, a local Pittsburgh bachelor, convinced several Pittsburgh women that he was a Steeler. But this went beyond a mistaken identity or lying for a couple of nights. Over a period of two years, Jackson convinced the women that he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jerame Tuman, and Brian St.Pierre. First he would approach the women and explain who he was, how famous he was, and all of the famous friends he was meeting out on the town if the girls would join him. He would woo them with stories about ‘his boys’ and show them the cell phone numbers he had of Jerome Bettis, Hines Ward, and Ike Taylor. Each number was a fake of course, and just a name listing in his phone. He was always “waiting for Hines who should be here any minute.” He would be wearing official Steelers gloves when he drove saying he just came from practice. He would speed through town in his white Denali with tinted windows and say to the women, “Nobody in Pittsburgh is gonna arrest me, I'm a Steeler.” One of the women was immediately suspicious, even though she still went on a date with ‘Big Ben.’ He picked her up at her house, signed some autographs and then took her to dinner. Big Ben forgot his wallet of course, so the woman paid. The next morning, a friend showed her a picture of the real Roethlisberger, she quickly alerted the police. The fake Ben kept calling her insisting that she should believe him and even sent her a fake Ben signed football. One woman, convinced she was dating 3rd string QB Brian St. Pierre, decided to have a party for a Steelers game. Unlucky for her, the camera happened to find the real St. Pierre on the sideline. Her relationship took an immediate turn. These stories are funny, but other girls weren’t so lucky.
One of the girls loaned Jackson $3,200 over the course of their four month relationship. He would ask for money saying he, fake Jerame Tuman, was going through a divorce and couldn’t spend money during the settlement. She loaned him money for rent for his waterfront condo that she never saw, a trip with his Steeler teammates that she never met, and rims for his Denali. After not hearing from Tuman for a month, she got angry and wrote a letter to the Steelers facility asking for her money. She received a call from the Steelers security director informing her that she has never met the real Jerame Tuman. Another woman had to file charges as Jackson began stalking her and threatened her if she went to the police. In the end, Jackson was sentenced to 30 days in prison, forced to undergo psych counseling, and required to avoid his accusers.
Oh, and just to complete the story, here is a picture of Brian Jackson the supposed ‘professional’ athlete:
Jackson
Tuman 
St PierreIf I were these players, I would sue the women for defamation for telling their friends that I was this tubby knob job.
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