Week 2 – Browns

I wish I could stomach sports talk radio for more than 2 minutes so I could hear the complete turnaround from the Bengals preseason woes to a huge week 1 division win. The defense that was supposed to be the worst ever (based on games that do not count) spent nearly the entire 2nd half on the field and only gave up 13 total points. Where is Jeremiah Trotter, desperately needed by the Bengals? He is a backup for Tampa Bay. And Lemar Marshall, a half rate free agent signing? He may end up being the Bengals best LB before the season is over. Do I think the Bengals defense is good? Not really. But if they stay healthy, they can play their way into the middle of the pack which would be good enough for a deep playoff run.

And now the Clowns.


The Bengals are favored in this game by 6.5, are you kidding me? I know it’s on the road, in the division, and on a short week, but 6.5? Not only is the Browns franchise a mess, but talent-wise, they only have a few players who could start for another team in the AFC North. And none of their current QBs would be higher than 3rd string for any team in the division. Carson Palmer was not named the Bengals #2 QB until half way through his rookie year, and Palmer did not have a lengthy contract hold out like Brady Quinn. The Browns are years away from being good, and it will not happen anytime soon. Romeo Crennel is probably not the problem, but he will get the blame if they royally suck this year. Once he is fired, they will be set back again by a new coach coming in and fighting with management over the large number of overpriced underperforming free agents that fill the Browns roster.

Keys to the Game.

When the Browns have the ball: There is a lot of pressure in Cleveland to play Brady Quinn, but that would be a huge mistake for them. In watching last Sunday’s game, I saw things I have never seen before in an NFL game. One of which is an NFL starting Tackle getting pancaked off the snap as the Defensive End blew through on his way to sack the QB. This happens in grade school, sometimes high school, rarely in college, and never in the NFL. But it did Sunday. The only good news for the Browns is that it wasn’t #1 pick Joe Thomas who played well for a rookie in his first game, it was Kevin Shaffer. Do you really want a rookie QB with only a few weeks of NFL practice starting behind that line with Jamal Lewis (Clearly not the same player) as the running back and Joe Jurevicius as the #2 receiver? Jurevicius is a journeyman who has never been a #2 receiver but is now a #2 for the first time at age 32. Besides having no help, Quinn has never seen an NFL defense live. In the preseason, Quinn had success against base coverages and players who are no longer on NFL rosters. He needs time to watch film of real games and learn how to succeed at the NFL level. Give Quinn a few more weeks to prepare while Derek Anderson gets his head beat in. Then, Quinn can come in ready to play without any pressure to win. What is the rush if he is the QB of the future? Meanwhile, the Cowboys are loving every minute as they watch the draft pick they traded for Quinn turn into the #1 overall pick next April.

When the Bengals have the ball: They score.

Kidding aside, the Browns do have some dangerous players on defense. The most dangerous for the Bengals is Kamerion Wimbley.With the Bengals line in constant rotation, one slip up could leave Palmer exposed to a fast hard hitting LB. Wimbley is the only one who poses a real threat to the Bengals. D’Qwell Jackson is a solid LB, but he will be nothing compared to what the Bengals saw with the Ravens. Safety Sean Jones is heralded as a budding star, but he really is just a headhunter that gets beat often. The Steelers showed this last week. Give Jones a chance and he can hurt you, but you can also take advantage of him and turn the game into a blowout. Let’s just hope the Bengals offense will open up playing against a much softer defense in Cleveland.

What you do want to see: Brady Quinn in the game.
What you don’t want to see: A drop in intensity after the huge Monday night game. While the Browns should be an easy win, the Bengals can get careless. A perfect example is last year allowing Chad Johnson to get a concussion when he should have been relaxing on the bench. A play like that could change the outcome of this game and the entire season.

Matchup of mullets: TJ vs Leigh Bodden

Again, this matchup will probably be decided head to head on the field. Even though Bodden’s drape is longer, TJ will show him the true power of a mullet. BENGALS WIN

Matchup of Moustaches: TJ vs Romeo Crennel

He is old, he is fat, his name is Romeo, and he has a nice full gray moustache. Does it get any stronger than that? Yes it does, he is also the head coach. BROWNS WIN

Duel of the uglies: Jeff Rowe vs. Dave Zastudil

Zastudil should probably hold himself responsible for last week’s debacle. If he did not miss the game due to injury, Paul Ernster is not in the game to drop the first punt snap. Dropped snap, Steelers ball on the 20, Steelers up 7-0, game unravels. At least Jeff Rowe has never done that. BROWNS WIN


Battle of old men: Bryan Robinson(33) vs Ted Washington(39)

It is unbelievable that Ted Washington can still play Nose Tackle in the NFL at age 39. Even more is that he is listed at 375 pounds. Usually they cap the weight they will list people at 350, just so the lard asses feel good. Ted must be so far over 400 they decided 375 is the new limit. BROWNS WIN


Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper vs This A—hole

This idiot decided it would be a good idea to run on the field and taunt the Steelers during another Browns loss last season. All seemed fun until he was clotheslined and slammed by LB James Harrison. Even Browns fans are inept. At least Bengals fans know to disrupt the other team until security stops you. This clown jumped right in line with the Browns team to take his thumping from the Steelers. BROWNS WIN

Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Tiffany vs Bone Lady

The Browns may not have cheerleaders, but they do have this creature. I wish my mom wore a cheerleader outfit with the words ‘Bone It’ written on the front. At least the license plate is dedicated to Charlie Frye. Being traded 24 hours after starting the season opener, he may be the only man currently desperate enough to actually ‘Bone It.’ Tiffany doesn’t hold a candle to the tsunami of trashy. BROWNS WIN

Little known Browns fact: Brady Quinn grew up in a very strange family.

This isn’t a spontaneous “GOTCHA!!” picture, no. This is a planned “Why don’t you go ahead and grab each others crotches, it will be great” moment, probably taken by a weird uncle with a greasy comb-over. The only one who seems to be enjoying this moment is Brady Quinn. Nice pink shirt.