Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Preseason Week 4 – Colts
Keys to the Game.
Finally, we have arrived at the last preseason game, too bad this one is the most worthless of them all.
1. Fixing the Preseason: Not to pile on the poor guy, but Peter King makes some very bad points. In an article this week, he discusses the issues with the preseason – Charging full price to fans, starters not playing, risk of injuries, etc, and he offers solutions. His solution is to first make the season 17 games and the preseason 3 games, then expand to an 18 game season and a 2 game preseason schedule. In a dreamworld this is a great idea. In the real world, this will happen about when Mike Vick gets hired by Greenpeace. The MAJOR problem with this idea is the existence of the Player’s Union that is supposed to act in the best interest of the players. How do you think the United Auto Workers would react if Ford decided to change the work week from 40 hours to 45 hours but keep everyone at the same annual salary? They would ask for more pay and benefits to offset the extra work or strike. The revenue stream for the owners is set because they already charge regular season price for the preseason. Essentially, Peter King is saying that either the players will play an extra week for free, or the owners will pay the players for the extra week out of their own pockets. Neither of these scenarios will happen with the greed involved in NFL decision making. Peter King’s solutions are random thoughts of a fan and do not take into account that the NFL is a business. In professional sports, most debates between players and ownership results in the fans losing. The only possible change to the preseason structure will have to come out of the fan’s pockets. Perhaps the preseason could be shortened from 4 games to 2, but the regular season will remain at 16 games. In this case, expect the possible revenue loss by the owners to be incorporated into the season ticket prices. So maybe us lucky fans will not have to pay full price for a preseason game, but we will still pay the same price for 9 home contests that we paid for 10. HOORAY US!!
2. Injuries: The ongoing saga of Willie and Levi appears to be over. Both will practice this week and play a few minutes in the game. You never know what to believe when it comes to Bengals injury information. On the other injury front, kicker Ginger Graham and safety Dexter Jackson were hurt making tackles Monday night. The Dexter Jackson injury is very big if he cannot play in the opener against Baltimore. Rookies Ndukwe and White do not look ready to start an NFL game against a pro QB like Steve McNair. This development may save Ratliff a roster spot as he has some experience at safety. In the end, Marvin and Chuck will have to decide how to solidify their defensive backfield for week 1. The Jackson injury could affect the outlook of the roster and of the game in week 1. As for the injury to Ginger Graham, does it matter? Not really. There are only a few kickers in the league that can make a difference in a game, and Ginger Graham is not one of them. He is a solid kicker that has a dependable leg, but he is weak on kickoffs, does not have a long field goal range, and recently has not been very clutch. Once you get away from the few kickers that can change field position or make clutch kicks, there is just a bunch of interchangeable dorky white guys. If Graham can’t play, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him on the sidelines in a Stormtrooper costume.
What you do want to see: Dexter Jackson practice this week.
What you don’t want to see: Ifeanyi Ohalete. Perhaps the worst Bengal ever, Ohalete was signed off the waiver wire in 2005 to offer special teams help. When safeties Kim Herring and Madieu Williams went down with season ending injuries, Ohalete was forced into starting duty. What followed was some of the worst safety play in the history of football. It was so bad that Ohalete went from starting for the Bengals in 2005, to never being invited to another NFL camp again.
Battle of St. Xavier Grads: Lemar Marshall vs. Rocky Boiman
Let’s see, both played DB in high school and now play LB in the NFL. Both of their high school teams lost in the regional finals in their senior years. Both were free agents recently and Boiman resigned with the Colts while Marshall signed with the Bengals. Not sure if either signing was by choice, but it does not matter. MARSHALL WINS
Matchup of mullets: Alan Reuber vs Kenton Keith
Little known Colts fact: While in college at Tennessee, Peyton Manning and the University were sued by a female athletic trainer for sexual harassment. Both the University and Manning settled out of court for $300,000. The incident was described by the woman in a court filing. Her lawyer wrote:
She was examining Manning to see why Manning was having pain in one of his feet and was crouched behind him when "entirely unprovoked, Peyton Manning decided to pull down his shorts and sit on my head and face. It was the gluteus maximus, the rectum, the testicles and the area in between the testicles. And all that was on my face when I pushed him up. ... To get leverage, I took my head out to push him up and off."
Keys to the Game.
Finally, we have arrived at the last preseason game, too bad this one is the most worthless of them all.
1. Fixing the Preseason: Not to pile on the poor guy, but Peter King makes some very bad points. In an article this week, he discusses the issues with the preseason – Charging full price to fans, starters not playing, risk of injuries, etc, and he offers solutions. His solution is to first make the season 17 games and the preseason 3 games, then expand to an 18 game season and a 2 game preseason schedule. In a dreamworld this is a great idea. In the real world, this will happen about when Mike Vick gets hired by Greenpeace. The MAJOR problem with this idea is the existence of the Player’s Union that is supposed to act in the best interest of the players. How do you think the United Auto Workers would react if Ford decided to change the work week from 40 hours to 45 hours but keep everyone at the same annual salary? They would ask for more pay and benefits to offset the extra work or strike. The revenue stream for the owners is set because they already charge regular season price for the preseason. Essentially, Peter King is saying that either the players will play an extra week for free, or the owners will pay the players for the extra week out of their own pockets. Neither of these scenarios will happen with the greed involved in NFL decision making. Peter King’s solutions are random thoughts of a fan and do not take into account that the NFL is a business. In professional sports, most debates between players and ownership results in the fans losing. The only possible change to the preseason structure will have to come out of the fan’s pockets. Perhaps the preseason could be shortened from 4 games to 2, but the regular season will remain at 16 games. In this case, expect the possible revenue loss by the owners to be incorporated into the season ticket prices. So maybe us lucky fans will not have to pay full price for a preseason game, but we will still pay the same price for 9 home contests that we paid for 10. HOORAY US!!
2. Injuries: The ongoing saga of Willie and Levi appears to be over. Both will practice this week and play a few minutes in the game. You never know what to believe when it comes to Bengals injury information. On the other injury front, kicker Ginger Graham and safety Dexter Jackson were hurt making tackles Monday night. The Dexter Jackson injury is very big if he cannot play in the opener against Baltimore. Rookies Ndukwe and White do not look ready to start an NFL game against a pro QB like Steve McNair. This development may save Ratliff a roster spot as he has some experience at safety. In the end, Marvin and Chuck will have to decide how to solidify their defensive backfield for week 1. The Jackson injury could affect the outlook of the roster and of the game in week 1. As for the injury to Ginger Graham, does it matter? Not really. There are only a few kickers in the league that can make a difference in a game, and Ginger Graham is not one of them. He is a solid kicker that has a dependable leg, but he is weak on kickoffs, does not have a long field goal range, and recently has not been very clutch. Once you get away from the few kickers that can change field position or make clutch kicks, there is just a bunch of interchangeable dorky white guys. If Graham can’t play, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him on the sidelines in a Stormtrooper costume.
What you do want to see: Dexter Jackson practice this week.
What you don’t want to see: Ifeanyi Ohalete. Perhaps the worst Bengal ever, Ohalete was signed off the waiver wire in 2005 to offer special teams help. When safeties Kim Herring and Madieu Williams went down with season ending injuries, Ohalete was forced into starting duty. What followed was some of the worst safety play in the history of football. It was so bad that Ohalete went from starting for the Bengals in 2005, to never being invited to another NFL camp again.
Battle of St. Xavier Grads: Lemar Marshall vs. Rocky Boiman
Let’s see, both played DB in high school and now play LB in the NFL. Both of their high school teams lost in the regional finals in their senior years. Both were free agents recently and Boiman resigned with the Colts while Marshall signed with the Bengals. Not sure if either signing was by choice, but it does not matter. MARSHALL WINS
Matchup of mullets: Alan Reuber vs Kenton Keith
Since Reuber will probably be cut in the coming days, let’s make him feel good about something. BENGALS WIN
Matchup of Moustaches: DB coach Kevin Coyle vs Tony Dungy/Marvin Harrison
Last week we said nobody wins until a player has a moustache, and Marvin Harrison delivers. Is it a coincidence that the Colts are Super Bowl champs and their head coach and future Hall of Fame Wide Receiver both have awesome moustaches? I think not. Marvin Lewis and Chad are you listening? COLTS WIN
Duel of the uglies: Jeff Rowe vs. Keyunta Dawson
Yikes, this is getting harder to do each week. BENGALS WIN
Battle of old men: Bryan Robinson(33) vs Marvin Harrison (35)
Marvin Harrison is older, on his way to the Hall of Fame, and he has a moustache. I can't wait to see his moustache bronzed in Canton. COLTS WIN
Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper vs……..Stormtrooper
Do these two guys live in an alternate universe where having your own stormtrooper outfit gets you laid? If so, let’s send them back to that universe so they can battle it out there. NERDS EVERYWHERE WIN AND ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENTS REJOICE
Trashiest looking cheerbabe: It is with a heavy heart that I must inform everyone that Lexi is no longer a BenGal. Apparently she did not make the squad this year. I’d like to think she is in a happier place doing a more lucrative form of dancing. Let us take a moment of silence and recollect about the shooting star that was Lexi.
BUT the show must go on. We must now turn our attention to the new BenGal representative, Tiffany.
BUT the show must go on. We must now turn our attention to the new BenGal representative, Tiffany.
Tiffany vs Holly B
Tiffany is a 3 year veteran of the squad and has a “1-year-old Malti-poo named Mr. Man." In her spare time she likes to lay by the pool and play Nintendo. She is matched up against Holly B who gave this incredible answer “Favorite Memory: Road trips to Kings Island” The landslide winner due to her favorite thing about Indy being in Cincinnati, Holly B. COLTS WIN
Tiffany is a 3 year veteran of the squad and has a “1-year-old Malti-poo named Mr. Man." In her spare time she likes to lay by the pool and play Nintendo. She is matched up against Holly B who gave this incredible answer “Favorite Memory: Road trips to Kings Island” The landslide winner due to her favorite thing about Indy being in Cincinnati, Holly B. COLTS WIN
Little known Colts fact: While in college at Tennessee, Peyton Manning and the University were sued by a female athletic trainer for sexual harassment. Both the University and Manning settled out of court for $300,000. The incident was described by the woman in a court filing. Her lawyer wrote:
She was examining Manning to see why Manning was having pain in one of his feet and was crouched behind him when "entirely unprovoked, Peyton Manning decided to pull down his shorts and sit on my head and face. It was the gluteus maximus, the rectum, the testicles and the area in between the testicles. And all that was on my face when I pushed him up. ... To get leverage, I took my head out to push him up and off."
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