Preseason Week 3 – Falcons

Keys to the Game.
I wish the preseason games were over. The first preseason game is nice just to see some football. At this point, it’s not even really worth talking about, especially with the dude at work that won’t shut up about how the Bengals are terrible. People who freak out over preseason game performances probably also think that “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat actually fought each other for Miss Elizabeth. Remember when the Bengals worked the Patriots and the Colts in the preseason and all of the talk was how good the Bengals would be, only to have the Bengals blown out in the regular season? I’ll start making judgments when games count. Until then, the only issues are rookies getting experience and veterans staying healthy.

1) Willie and Levi: It’s hard to tell what is going on with these two with all of the mixed messages from the team. Literally in consecutive days this week, a story said Willie could possibly miss the entire season only to be followed by a story saying he could play Monday. What is going on with the Bengals’ medical staff? Whenever a Bengal is injured, it always seems like an estimate on their return is given. Then around the time the player should be returning, a second opinion reveals a different injury and a new timetable. Levi has subtly let it be known that he does not want to rehab his injury in Cincinnati because he does not trust the results. The NFL does not regulate medical staffs; it is up to each team to hire whomever they see fit to handle the job. Players do have protections and rights to second opinions through the Player’s Union, but in house staff is hired and works for the Bengals. Let’s just hope the medical staff isn’t an arm of Mike Brown’s past where he is known for penny pinching to enhance the bottom line. If so, maybe I could be hired as the Bengals’ team doctor, I would come very cheap. “Did I say you had a fracture? I meant to say it is broken. You may be able to play this week, but chances are you will never walk again.” Or the mixed messages could just be Marvin trying to keep the injuries under wraps and out of the media.

2) Lemar Marshall: This is a great signing for the Bengals, and not just because they get some hometown flavor. The Bengals have a solid core of linebackers they can start and rotate. Not a great group, but solid. Jeremiah Trotter was the big name on the cutting block that most Bengals fans noticed, but he was still cut. Trotter had a lower salary and cap value than Brian Simmons who the Bengals deemed not worth the salary. If the Eagles, who were on the hook for less viewed Trotter as not worth the salary, what does that say about him? Also add to that the fact the Andy Reid tried to talk Trotter into retiring. Trotter does bring a lot of attitude to middle linebacker, but he is also slowing down and offers no help at outside linebacker or special teams. Marshall, on the other hand, was one of Marvin’s guys while in Washington. He came into the league as a safety, so he can run, and he has played all linebacker positions. He now becomes the Bengals best linebacker in pass coverage. The signing gives the Bengals 5 legitimate starting linebackers – Brooks, Hartwell, Jeanty, Landon, and Marshall – who can rotate in any number of combinations. Combine that with Frazier, Landon, Marshall, and Miller on special teams and the Bengals linebackers control the game. Any player that is cut by another team is not going to be a front line player. Trotter is no longer a front line player, and neither is Marshall. But Marshall adds much more to the Bengals through his speed, smarts, and versatility than Trotter would bring.

What you do want to see: Willie or Levi at least make an appearance.
What you don’t want to see: Hours of Michael Vick coverage.

Match up of mullets: Alan Reuber vs Doug Datish

It’s hard to tell by the picture if Datish actually has a mullett. But if he does, this is an unbelievable piece of work that only someone from northern Ohio could sport. FALCONS WIN

Match up of Moustaches: DB coach Kevin Coyle vs RB coach Ollie Wilson

Again, only coaches have moustaches anymore. Are we ever going to see a moustache on a player? Until a player has a moustache, NOBODY WINS
Duel of the uglies: Jeff Rowe vs. Rod Coleman

Rod Coleman looks like he could scare a buffalo into committing suicide. FALCONS WIN

Battle of old men: Bryan Robinson(33) vs Wayne Gandy (36)

Wayne Gandy seems like he has been around forever and played for every team in the league. Plus he wears the Willie Anderson style plastic facemask that went out of production in the early 90s. FALCONS WIN

Biggest loser fan: Stormtrooper vs All of these dudes

Anytime you are cheering your hometown QB as he runs off the field and he shoots the dirty bird your way, you are a loser…..especially the moustached man whose kids are wearing Vick jerseys and waving. “CHECK THIS OUT A--HOLE DAD WITH YOUR A--HOLE KIDS!!!” FALCONS WIN

Trashiest looking cheerbabe: Lexi vs Shamea

The Falcon marks the spot when it comes to Shamea showing her team spirit. Further lines of seduction from her team bio:
Career Accomplishments or Experiences: Feature Dancer in the movie "Drumline"
Something My Squad Mates Don't Know About Me: Every bone in my body is extremely flexible!
HELLO!! Too bad the cheerleader bios don’t give out phone numbers.
This is quite a battle, but FALCONS WIN

Little known Falcons fact: In order to acquire the rights to Michael Vick, the Falcons traded their 1st and 3rd round draft picks in 2001, their 2nd round draft pick in 2002, and WR Tim Dwight. Those draft picks were used to select RB LaDainian Tomlinson, WR Reche Caldwell and CB Tay Cody. WHOOPS!
Around that time, Vick was using the alias Ron Mexico in order to visit clinics and receive treatment for herpes without people knowing. Later, a woman filed a lawsuit against him for knowingly giving her herpes. In the suit, which was settled out of court, the defendant was listed as Michael Vick AKA Ron Mexico.